Pie in the Sky

An insane company policy prompted this exchange:

Tastykake Company:

Dear Sirs, Following are a few E Mail exchanges as a result of my attempting to buy your apple pies via the internet. First are my comments to your Web site to whoever gets them. A kind response from Mrs. Ruth Steinke, then my follow-up in return.
Comments: Dear Tasty, moving to Houston meant giving up access to your succulent products in local stores. The internet, I hoped would once again bring me access to heavenly treats. But no, I expect you don't wish to sell to individual consumers, even though I am willing to buy a case at a time. I am sure you, as I do, get a chuckle from ads on TV where the shipping and handling (in small print) usually add another 50-75% to the cost. You have finally broken the barrier where the shipping charges are more than the price of the product. Apple pies, $35, shipping, $37.
One weeps.
Ah, yes, you claim that with less than 2-day air shipping "freshness." will be lost. I am willing to sign an affidavit that I will not return any product for lack of freshness if I can get it shipped to me at a normal rate. Love the product, can't pay the freight.
Hungry in Houston,
Rev. Snodgrass

"Steinke, Ruth M." wrote:
You aren't the first person who has mentioned the high cost of shipping pies. I have forwarded your e-mail to a number of Tastykake people for consideration. Who knows, perhaps your e-mail may lead to a change. I do know that we will be offering a lesser amount of pies sometime in March. I'm sure that selection will be far less than shipping a case. However, for the present, there is no other alternative than to ship the pies 2-day air. Thanks for your comments. (They made me smile.)
Dear Ruth, if I may be so bold, my objective was not to make you smile, but to cry - for those of us far enough west to be out the reaches of the Tastykake selling area. I am an old man who grew up on Tastykakes and Utz potato chips, neither of which are available here in Houston. I get a "care" package each Xmas from my daughter in Maryland with a package of butterscotch krimpets and a bag of Utz chips. Isn't that sad? What eludes me is what Mr (Tasty)Kake has to lose by slower shipping if I take full responsibility for not bad-mouthing the pies if they are not 2-day fresh. I couldn't hurt his business here, since there is none. If all else fails, I suppose I can enlist my kid to rifle the shelves of the local stores for apple pies and send me as many as will fit in the USPS $3.85 special mail bag. I will be 66 years old this Saturday and here I sit watching Gilligan's Island re-runs and about to open my last package of Christmas krimpets. I don't know about you, but I'm about to cry...

Wasting away in Houston
Rev. Snodgrass

While I am sure Mrs. Steinke has sympathy for my plight, I am equally sure there is little she can do about it. Therfore, I put the issues before you:
Are you comfortable with the fact that you have broken the shipping to product cost of over 100%?
Do all the pies you ship to your furthest location get there within 2 days?
Do you pull the pies from the shelves of the “Seven-Elevens” and “Stop and Gos”
if they’re not sold within 2 days?
Are you satisfied that this 2 day shipping requirement is in the best interest of the stockholders and the BOTTOM LINE?
Please don’t make me turn to “Little Debbie” or “Mrs. Baird”

Post script: About a month later I got a package (shipped regular UPS) with five pies and a note of apology saying they were sorry but unmoved to change their policy. So I could get free pies without regard for freshness, but I still couldn’t pay for them and get them. Go figure.